Why are we afraid of slow? Interview with Lotte Barnes
Nature is so slow, and yet our modern world (ahem, capitalism) craves fast.
Can we be more like nature and still exist in this modern system? Can we gain more from slowing down and going against the very thing that capitalism demands, growth?
I spoke with Lotte Barnes of Worn Store on why finding slow in their life and business was the best thing they ever could have done.
Lotte and I met in our former fast lives, living amidst the hustle and bustle of city life, as client (Lotte) and agency (me). This was a time we reflected on, when we met again in Byron Bay six years later. I love my chats with Lotte about life in the slower lane and how our previous lives with virtually no head space or freedom, shaped the lives we live now.
I feel less alone on this slow journey when I speak with Lotte, so if you’re curious about slow and why it’s something we are afraid of, then this conversation is for you.
What was the reason for taking things slower?
To be honest, slowness found us.
It started about six years back when Lia (my now wife) and I first got together in a beautiful deep collision of love. We found ourselves less and less interested in the current careers and lives we had created as we had both hit the very common place of burn out. We were exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally but being together pushed us to create incredible change and lean into the unknown. We both started seeking other spiritual practices and new ways of living, then one day we woke up in the depths of it all and Lia just said, "let’s just get away and go travel for a few months". Not long after, we had closed up both of our own businesses, packed up our houses and left with two small bags on our backs and a lightness that freed us.
Our '3-month' plan travelling through Bali, India and Sri Lanka ended up lasting almost two years. It was the greatest experience of our lives and changed absolutely everything.
We found our true flow.
It gave us the space to do the individual work we both sought out, it allowed us to let go of our 'roles and responsibilities' from back home and simply be in love and experience a day-to-day pace that travel so beautifully paves. Living in Bali you either move in the pace of the island or she'll push you out, so slow living became all that we knew. Connecting more and more inwards, and less and less outwards.
What has been your experience with slowing down in business? And how did you enact slowness in your business and day-to-day?
When the time to return back to Australia unfolded, as we planned to start a family, the important thing was how we wanted to feel in our new landscape and home. This became the forefront of our decision making, how we feel in a space or about a situation is how we make most decisions in our life now – after living in Bali and building such a deep connection to nature and a quality of life, we wanted to keep that same sense of feeling in our lives permanently. This lead us to Byron Bay – even though for our 'business' it totally made sense to go back to Sydney, where all our contacts and support were, but we didn't play the safe card, we opted for quality not quantity and haven't looked back.
Byron has supported us tenfold and has been the most ideal location to run Worn and grow our young family, as it honours the work-life balance and holds the value of family above everything else.
When Lia became pregnant, she had extremely bad morning sickness, so much so that she wasn't able to run Worn anymore – previously she was managing most of it by herself and I was more of the 'backstage manager' helping with the creative aspects and logistics, but also freelancing on other side projects of my own, but when Lia literally couldn't work anymore, I was thrown into the job and took over the runnings of the business full time and honoured Lia's vision into shaping its early beginnings. At that time, we both really put all of our trust into Worn to see if we could make it into what we believed it could be.
It was a slow process, as we didn't have a choice to push and hustle and do do do. We were growing a baby, starting a family and trying to grow a new business at the same time, so we just did it all gently and gradually, especially the first year after Ophelia was born. I would work from home mostly, as I wanted to be available to Lia and Opi and be present in witnessing our child grow and immerse in that beautiful new stage of parenthood.
We were learning so much, in-home and work, and just trying to navigate our way through it all consciously, and somehow it all found its flow and we managed to make it work and nurture a family and business at the same time.
What was the result of slowing down in both your life and your business?
The result was and is a much more graceful movement through life, that is deeper in all aspects.
We see clearly how we are interacting with ourselves, each other, our business and most importantly, our child. We know it is all so fleeting so we try to not rush ourselves, to be present, engaged and prioritise accordingly to each different aspect’s needs. Somedays that may be Worn, somedays it may be one of us and other days it's our child.
We try to move our energy and input equally at work and home and don't have divining roles as a 'homemaker or bread winner' we both do it all at home and work. We are Mothers and Directors. That is really important to us and something we want our child to see and experience within her family.
You’re also a Vedic meditation teacher – do you think us humans have a resistance or fear of slowing down? If yes, where does this come from?
Vedic is probably the greatest contributing factor in how I can maintain balance, slow growth and a deep sense of peace and calm within my life.
It has allowed me to let go of the pre-programmed fast-paced go go go mentality that I once 'kinda' had – the pace that many still have and really struggle with. The pressure we place on ourselves now more than ever to do more and be more is so intense.
I've battled with it absolutely and I am sure others fear slowing down as perhaps it feels like a failure or a less-than mentality. So many people want to be living this slower pace and more conscious lifestyle, yet they wonder if they do, will they 'fall behind'? The answer is no, as they aren't racing anyone but themselves.
That really helped me, to just realise that what happens in my life affects mainly me (and my family of course) and that I can be and do all the things I want if I choose to and that it will unfold exactly when it's meant too.
Right now the thing that helps me remove the pressure of my own expectation is my daughter. She is my greatest teacher. She forces me to walk slow, stop and look at everything and all its beauty and is a constant reminder that nothing, nothing is more important than being right there on her level, that everything else can wait, as this time with her will be gone and soon I won't be her only world, that she'll be off playing with friends and at school and I'll long for those slow days together doing nothing but playing and finding joy in all the small things, that really are the big beautiful meaningful things.
Do you think as business owners, we are afraid of saying no to growth?
Absolutely. I think many see growth as a success, but bigger isn't always sustainable.
Success is such a personal expression and one each business owner should really look at, analyse what it means to them and their business and why they believe their definition of success matters or is right. For us at Worn, success has never been this big long-term goal. Yes, we want to build a business that allows us freedom in our life and supports many other people to have the same in theirs, but success happens daily, as does failure – they kind of play off each other in a way.
Lia said to me the other day something she heard which resonated. We don't go to work to work, we go to work to problem solve. I liked that as it really is about workshopping how to constantly evolve, interact and redefine what and how you are creating. I think if you can constantly redesign and evolve your brand in a harmonious way that constantly excites, elevates and engages with people in a positive way, that's a great way to look at success. That you can go to work each day and know that what you are doing is contributing in a positive way. I like to think Worn does that.
Have you ever made a decision to "thoughtfully shrink and contract" instead of chasing growth with Worn and has it resulted in profitability?
Yes! We made a really hard call last year to close our boutique, even though we had only renovated it months earlier. That space held a huge place in our hearts. It was the first foundations of Worn in Australia, it connected us to our community, it was a place of creativity, especially after Opi was born, as Lia would go there and re-merchandise the space and it gave her a different sense of purpose outside of Motherhood and allowed her her own space to create.
When we made the call to close the doors it was a big call but we knew we had to let go of something we loved to make room for something greater. We were also at a place where we had to decide what was the best use of our limited time and energy – was the boutique the right place to channel it? Could we contract in this area and still have that essence? Honestly, once we did close the doors, it was such a weight lifted and so many new doors opened and new space was created that better supported the direction of Worn.
If you could give some advice to yourself when you were first about to start Worn Store, what would it be?
Oh wow, well yes and no, as I really feel everything for us unfolded as it was meant to and Worn had its own trajectory and purpose no matter what we did in a way!
It's a pretty special business and honestly operates best when Lia and I are in flow, that may sound ‘woo woo’ but it's true. Worn is the extension of how Lia and I choose to live our life and interact in the world, so when that interaction together and individually is at its most harmonious, when we lean in and trust rather than overly worry and control it, Worn is at its most harmonious. Not to say it isn't constantly hard and presents challenges and lessons to us all the time, but it has flow states and we've seen patterns within it, so more and more we try to let things unfold and look for patterns or reoccurring situations that arise and try alternative ways in moving through them, as the lessons you need to face will keep repeating themselves until you go about it the right way.
That said, and for some more practical advise, I would say listen and look out for those patterns and instead of repeating the same mistakes or ways of dealing with situations, act on them differently and expand yourself and your skillset to shift and evolve. It can be a slow process to take notice, but a worthy one that I'm sure all businesses present if the owners are looking in the right places.
Photos by Lisa Sorgini for Natalie Marie Jewellery